Day 26 -- September 18, 2010

As I sit in my room and contemplate life I realize many thoughts go through my head. Thoughts of fear (I must fight), temptation (fight) and fear again (fight). Most of all I think again and again about all the great things that GOD would have for me on the inside. Doing the work is most profitable to me right now. I woke up this morning and read my word, prayed and picked "Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey", I realized that I enjoy reading books on financial issues; I must realize that it is my desire to help and assist others in this regard. I had a great time with GOD this morning despite the thoughts that plague me again and again. Today I will go and tutor Eric (my god-sister, Angie's son), I hope we get to hang out as well, after that I may go the bookstore and back home to complete some more job applications. Yesterday I had a smile come over as one of my colleagues introduced me to someone and said, and this is "Natalie, one of our best administrative people we don't know what we would do without her", I said GOD thank you, I take great pride in my work but also in providing great customer service, I was humbled but smiled and thanked GOD in the same breathe. I went to Cheesecake Factory today and had something sweet; out of my norm but I realize that I have discipline I must practice it; my gift everytime I get paid is to do something but I won't do it every other day as I have in the past. I also decided after having a conversation with one of my closest friends about debt that I would no longer discuss it; but simply do what it takes to get out. Inwardly, something great is taking hold of me and I am very excited. I enjoyed doing my word study on the word: blessing/bless; I learned that to be blessed you must obey, love, trust, give and sow earnestly. In untangling relationships I realize as much as I didn't want to do the book, I have come along way in dismantling my mother's co-dependent ways; but I still have work to do, I realize my biggest issue is that I want to fix and cure everything and I cannot. That is my area of co-dependency. When faced with another's problem I want to immediately/impulsively/without praying or thinking jump in and help and assist. For GOD to tell me no Natalie you must take a step back. I love the freedom of just being - its so liberating. Yolanda I now understand what you meant when you said, "I'm a flower in bloom/blossoming". I'm in stage in my life where I just want to let go of all that has held me back so I can just be, soar and do!